So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
