We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
