I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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