I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
