I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
