Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
