At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize