Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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