And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
