I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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