remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
