Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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