forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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