i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
