I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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