So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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