Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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