whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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