More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
