Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
