I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
