Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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