i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
