Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
