I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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