I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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