I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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