We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't turn off my feet"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
