What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
