k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
