Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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