that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
