I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
