Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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