I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
