Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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