We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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