Swine flu. Run for my life!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize