I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
