maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am available for nakedness
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
