somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
