i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
