Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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