Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
