he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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