some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
