So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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