did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
