I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize