Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
