I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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