u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
