physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
