I just made out with a guy for $7.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
