How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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