Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
