Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The ass gains better be worth it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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