I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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