Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Damn victory sex feels great
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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