i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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