I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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