yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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