SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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