day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
