Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
