would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
