What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
