I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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