I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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