some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
