Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
