You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
