I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
